Such A Long Time

I can't believe it's already been so long.

Five months.

Wooowwwww.

It feels like less than that.

Almost like we started dating just yesterday.

And amazingly...

I'm still madly in love with him.

Even with everything we go through.

Even with all the things I tried to hide.

Even once he knew about those things.

And now, after Friday night, things are even more... intimate.

And they just seem to be getting more and more so.

But I have my period this week.

Great.

Ohwell, at least I get to spend next weekend with him.

The whole weekend, from Friday night to Monday morning.

Ugh.

Mudruns.

I'm terrified of getting mud in places i don't want it to be.

I can barely sleep anymore.

I'm so tired though.

After Friday I just can't seem to calm down enough to sleep.

And when I wake up, I can't seem to keep my eyes open.

And when I close my eyes, all I can see...

Is him.

I love him so much.

Maybe one day, we'll be able to live together...

Get married...

Have kids...

But I'm ahead of myself.

We aren't even done school yet.

Maybe once we're in college.

Or grown up.

Older.

Then we can live happily together.

And stay together.

And hopefully die happily together.

A little morbid, but still.

If I had to die to save him...

I would do it without a moment's hesitation.

And part of me hopes he wouldn't do the same.

And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want me to...

He would probably tell me to live...

But I would do it anyways.

Just to save him.

Because who knows?

Maybe he would thank me for it later on in his life.

But this is a message just for him.

If anything ever happens to me...

Keep living.

I don't want you to let yourself die inside because of me.

I love you so much, Derrick.

Don't ever let this love end.

-heart-